


A Second Chance

by writtenthroughtime



Category: Outlander (TV), Outlander Series - Diana Gabaldon
Genre: F/M, Prompt Fic, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-28
Updated: 2016-03-26
Packaged: 2018-04-28 15:44:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5096165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writtenthroughtime/pseuds/writtenthroughtime
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt from my blog: What if Claire went back through the stones a few years (between 2 and 5) after Culloden?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Through the Stones

        Twice I have been whisked away to a far off place that I did not want to go to, and only once have I felt like I do not belong. I have a hatred for Boston. The bustling streets, crammed sidewalks, and the awful nasal local accent that could be the equivalent of nails on a chalk board surrounded me. I crave the peaceful lochs, rowdy villages, and playful farms of the Scottish Highlands. If Frank has his way I’ll never set foot in Scotland or near Inverness again. My heart and soul are two-hundred years in the past, floating somewhere in the Highlands with the man I truly love, yet I’m anchored to the present— New England America thanks to a beautiful red headed almost two year old child who is already so much like her father.   
         Living with Frank these last two years has shown me what a marriage of obligation is and what a marriage of love is; I do not share the love for this wonderful man the way I once did. He's taken care of us, accepted, even loved Brianna as his own, despite his previous musings of never being able to love a child if it were not of his own blood. Our love, the love I had fought so hard to return to during my first few months in the past, is not what it was and will never be the same ever again. He deserves someone who will love him the way a woman should love him. Not with him out of obligation and fondness for what once was. Unbeknownst to him, last night at dinner he gave me the perfect opportunity to consider going back to Scotland, back through the standing stones at Craig na Dun to my home.   
          My mind is rushing from the conversation of the previous night. Frank had said he’s going to a conference in London for the week of Halloween not returning until November 2nd. My main concerns with finally having the chance to fulfill my desires were: Can I survive a trip through the stones again? Can Brianna travel through with me? If we did make it, could we make it back to the right time? What if Jamie wasn’t alive? What if he had moved on? Would I really risk her that way all for the selfishness of wanting to get back to her father?  
I have the opportunity and I must try something to get back to where I belong with the family I long to be reunited with and introduce father to daughter. Halloween was only a month away, happiness flooded me as I watched Frank play with Brianna imagining Jamie in his place, instead of the woven rug on the hardwood floors of our Boston home, the homely wood and stone of the hearth at Lallybroch flooded my mind.   
            We can go back. We will go back.

           A month may seem like a long time, but for me it went by in a blur of unfinished resolve. Six days ago Frank left for London, tomorrow Brianna and I will be on our way to Inverness and to Mrs. Graham’s house on the outskirts of town. Already, I had found money from the time, I only hoped it would be enough to secure a horse or carriage from inverness to Lallybroch. Cloaks and gowns waiting at Mrs. Graham’s, a small package of mementos for Jamie, and hope for a better life all prepared. One last night in Boston, one more day in the twentieth century, and then forever in the time and place where we belong. 

                                                        —————————

             The stone circle at Craig na Dun looked the same; the split large center stone, the towering outer circle and the buzzing. The menacing buzz of pain and freedom. Brianna started to cry with her hands clapped over her ears as we approached the center stone. She can hear it too. Thank God, she can hear it too. Stepping forward I readjusted my grip on Brianna’s solid form and checked that the leather bags containing our clothes and mementoes were still buckled.  
              “Brianna, sweetie. When mommy says put your hand on the big stone in front of us do it ok?” Tears still streaming down her chubby face she nodded.   
              “Ok! One…. Two… Three! Put your hand on the stone!” Fearful she might not touch at the same time as me I grabbed her tiny hand and our combined hands touched the center stone at the same time. The jerking and sudden falling feeling was excruciating this time around and I prayed Brianna did not feel it as strongly as I did.   
             Landing beside the same stone I hoped we were two-hundred and two years in the past from the stone we touch only a moment ago. Brianna was crying even harder, as I stood us up and looked around to see if it was the same wilderness I knew from 1950 or the wilderness slightly altered wilderness of 1748. Attempting to calm the inconsolable child in my arms I began walking in the direction of Inverness hoping to find a smaller village, food and a horse I could buy.

              The horse we were able to procure was small but reliable. Our combined weight would not cause too much of a strain on the horse and hopefully would make it the entire way to Lallybroch without me having to walk too far carrying Brianna.   
            Our second full day on the road was surprisingly pleasant for early November in the Scottish Highlands. A pale yellow sun peaking over the trees and mountains, a light and chilly breeze, and thankfully none of the signature Scottish drizzle had dampened our journey.   
            “Pardon me madam, are you lost?” A deep British voice said from behind me causing me to nearly fall off the horse. Turning my head to look at the person who was now beside me— my stomach dropped. An English soldier. I knew they were frequently roaming the highlands, even more so after the rebellion, but I had hoped I would not run into them.  
            “Hello officer. I’m happy to say I am not lost but thank-you for your concern.” Giving him a smile I dearly hoped came across as pleasant and confident instead of the anxious turmoil that was racking my insides.   
            “Oh? Well pray madam where are you headed and would you like an escort? These are dangerous lands and a woman, especially an English woman with a child as small as yours, should not be traveling alone.”  
            “I’m headed to the home of some long beloved family friends. It’s only half a days journey left and while I am most grateful for your offer of an escort I believe I can manage just fine until we are safely in their lands.” My hands tightened, one around the reigns and the other on the now squirming Brianna. Please, please let it alone and let me  be on my way. Please!  
            “Friends? In the Scottish Highlands? Madam you must be joking!”  
            “I am not jesting or any of the sort. My family has known these people for many years. Long before the uprising and I want to keep them as friends. They’ve always been kind to us before.”  
             “What is the family name you seek? I know all the former clan names in the area and have patrolled the villages multiple times. I can assure you of their kindness if you please.”  
             “Murray. The family name is Murray. They lived on the Clan Fraser lands just through the pass in about three miles time. Last I saw them they were the utmost of loyalist and perfectly kind people. I do hope you are not to contradict that.”  
             “Murray you say madam? I’m afraid I do not know the Murray’s, but the Fraser’s I do have acquaintance with. I shall warn you against seeking out or going near the man they call ‘Red’ Jamie Fraser. He was a wanted criminal before becoming one of the bloodiest Jacobite of them all. If it’s the Fraser lands you seek I do hope you do not come across the man.”  
             A chill went down my spine and also a shudder of relief; Jamie was wanted but he was alive. A life on the run was not what I had in mind; however, if that’s the only way to be with Jamie then so be it. We would make do.   
             “Thank-you for the warning and I’ll be sure to avoid this ‘Red’ Jamie. I am sorry to cut our conversation short but I must be on my way. I would like to make it to the Murray’s before dinner time. Good day.”  
             “Good day madam. Know that if you need any assistance please send word for me, my name is Corporal Jackson Morgan. My company and I are stationed at Fort William. Good luck on your travels.”  
             Watching the soldier, and the ten other men on horses that I had not noticed until now, ride away in the opposite direction caused me to release a breath I had not realized I was holding. Now to get through the rest of this journey without meeting any more soldiers or someone worse. 

 

               Lallybroch was just as I remembered it. The sweeping hills and farm lands, the slightly off kilter tower, and the beautiful three storied home I couldn’t wait to set foot in again. Brianna sensing my excitement started to bounce and babble, her words going from the comprehendible to some the last of her baby nonsense babble.   
               “We’re almost home my love.” I whispered into the wind both for Brianna and Jamie— wherever he might be.  
              The closer the horse brought us towards the estate the harder my heart began to pound. Every step like an added heart beat forming an irregular and overwhelming rhythm. Closing my eyes I sent up a silent prayer for the acceptance of my daughter and I back into the Fraser household and for the safety of my husband.   
                Howls met my ears signaling that the Fraser/Murray household would know we were approaching. Not knowing whether we were friend or foe, I doubted we’d get a greeting in the archway or dooryard.   
                “DOGGIE!!! Doggie doggie doggie doggie doggie doggie! Mamma look DOGGIES!!!” Brianna’s excited squeal somehow overpowered the racket the hounds were causing. Pulling her closer to me, I dismounted the horse and began to walk into a home I once knew and wanted to call home again.   
                Gathering up my courage, I slowly approached the front door of the house, pushing the door open brought back memories of my first time here: Jamie barging in without a care _“It’s my house Sassenach,”_ he had told me and since I was his wife, the Lady of this land, it was my house as well. The creak of the door startled the housekeeper who was headed for the door. Mrs. Crook caught sight of me and blanched quickly turning on her heels bellowing “Milady!! Milady!! You need to get down here!” I caught a brief smile as she took in the red headed, bright blue cat eyed child in my arms.  
                 Before I had a chance to thick any further on what I might want to say to Jenny or Ian, Jenny Fraser Murray was standing before me looking as though not a day had gone by since we last saw each other three years ago— Black hair elegantly knotted, blue eyes bright and homespun gown stained from dirty baby hands. Almost in tears I smiled at my sister in law. “Hello Jenny, it’s been a while.” Like with Mrs. Crook, Jenny’s pallor paled and her eyes widened.   
                 She approached me slowly as if not fully believing I was there, a hand extending ever so cautiously to touch my arm. “Ye’re here. Claire Fraser ye’re here! Why are ye here? Ye’re supposed to be dead! Jamie thinks ye’re dead!”  
                 “It’s a long story I would love to tell you, Ian, and if he’s around Jamie. For now though could I trouble you for some food and a glass of water or some milk? I’m afraid my daughter and I haven’t had much since yesterday.” At the word daughter Jenny’s eyes darted down to Brianna who had hidden her face in my neck.   
                 “Darling, it’s ok. Please stop hiding your face I want you to meet your Aunt Jenny.” Ever so slowly Brianna turned her head in the direction of Jenny. Shy Fraser eyes meeting shocked similar eyes.   
                 “Jamie’s. She’s Jamie’s.”  
                 “Of course she is. She’s so much like him too, already stubborn to the core with a fiery passion that could rival his.”  
                  With a faint laugh and a nod Jenny asked, “How old are ye mo chridhe?”  
                  “She’s almost two.”  
                 “Does Jamie know? Did he know before… before Culloden?”  
                 “He did know,” I snorted, “He’s the one who told me I was pregnant— on the eve of Culloden of all times.”   
                 “Is that why ye left? To protect the bairn?” I nodded somberly looking down as to not show the tears pricking my eyes, “I thought Jamie died on that battlefield. I had a part of him with me and I had to protect it, if not for me then for him. To keep him alive in any way that I could.”   
                 Before Jenny had a chance to respond to what I had just revealed I was nearly knocked off my feet as a gangly dark haired boy attached himself to my legs.   
                “Milady!! God has restored you!! Milord will be so happy to see you!”  
                “What the,” startled at first from the impact and recognition taking it’s time. The dark haired boy looked up at me, tears streaming from his dark eyes, “Fergus? Oh! Fergus get up! Let me look at you!” The young Frenchman scrambled to his feet eager to oblige.  
                  “Milady l’enfant you carry looks just like Milord!” Touching his cheek, I smile at his assessment of Brianna, she definitely has the Fraser and Mackenzie looks. “Does Milord know?” Fergus’s eyes had grown wide and in a haste of French mixed with Gaelic and bits of English I caught what sounded like “I must go fetch Milord, he will come home for this! He…” the rest was lost to me as was Fergus as he raced out the front door in search of Jamie.   
                  “Weel guess we won’t be needin’ to call for Jamie then. Why don’t we go to the kitchen and get you and this precious one something to eat?”  
                  “Thank-you Jenny, truly.”   
                  “Think nothin’ of it lass, I’m just glad ye’re home.” Smiling at each other Jenny looped her arm through mine as we set off towards the kitchens. 

 

                  For hours Jenny and I sat and talked while Brianna and Maggie played together by our feet. I was wary of telling her anything about where I had gone until I could speak to Jamie, together we needed to decide what to tell his family. The journey to Lallybroch, meeting the soldiers on the road— their warning about Jamie, and personality traits of Jamie’s that Brianna boldly displays, were all topics I felt safe enough to discuss.  
                 “The fool better wait until dark to get down here especially with the redcoats lurking. Last thing we need is for him to get thrown in prison or worse hanged just as ye’ve made yer way home.”  
                 “How long has he been in hiding?”  
                 “Ever since they brought him back from Culloden. I’ll let him tell ye more, it’s been difficult, he’s not quite the same. It’s as though all the life in him has been drained away, ye ken?” Looking down and nodding I did know what she was talking about. If it hadn’t been for Brianna I would have lost myself to the grief of losing Jamie long ago.  
                 “With ye being back, he might have some life in him again.” Jenny mumbled something else that sounded like, ‘I hope.’  
                 I hope, indeed. I hope I didn’t make the wrong decision in coming back.  
                 As dark began to cover the farm lands of Lallybroch, my anxiety went up. Twisting my hands and pacing in front of the front door, I sent up a silent prayer that Jamie may be safe and make it to me.  
                “Claire!” A desperate, hope filled whisper said in the deep Scottish lilt that I had dreamed about for two years was there. Jamie was there. His beautiful red curls covered by the dun bonnet (that would inspire a Highland legend), his face with a full red beard split by a blinding white grin, blue eyes slanted and smiling— my Highlander. Still strong and proud, the posture of a king and a warrior, the gentleness of a dove, finally before me.  
               “Jamie. Oh God, JAMIE!” Smiling as I ran to his embrace, tears freely flowing, and the feeling of home enveloping me like a warm blanket.  
               Holding on to me with all his strength he kept muttering, “Ye’re real.”  
               “I’m here Jamie and I’m not going anywhere.” That seemed to be all that he needed to lean down and catch my lips in dance that was as fervent as the day we parted only euphoric instead of in desperation. Days could have passed while I was in his embrace without me noticing. Breaking off this kiss Jamie leaned his forehead to mine.  
                “The bairn? Claire please tell me nothing happened to the bairn!”  
                “She’s safe and so beautiful.”  
                “She,” looking into his eyes the awe and relief were overwhelming and the faint gleam of tears touched his eyes, “Ye—ye dinna leave her there did you?”  
                “No Jamie I didn’t. Would you like to meet your daughter?”  
                At my question he broke down fully giving in to his emotions. Clinging to me I could feel his shoulders shake as he wept, and the faintest of nods was distinguishable. Grabbing his hand I pulled him into the parlor.  
               “Brianna, sweetheart please come here.” Briefly looking away from Jamie to make sure Brianna toddled over to me, I reached out the hand that wasn’t being held by Jamie and grabbed Brianna’s. “Sweetheart this is your father. Jamie, I would like you to meet your daughter, Brianna Ellen Fraser.”  
                Never letting go of my hand, Jamie crouched down to our daughter’s level, a shaking hand outstretched to her small form and ever so gently touching her face.  
                “Dia duit mo ghile iníon álainn.” A small giggle came from Brianna as Jamie continued to lightly touch her face. If Jamie’s smile before had lit up the room, now it was positively illuminating.  
                “Darling, do you want to give your father a hug?” Brianna’s big blue eyes looked up at me almost asking if it were ok. “Go on.” I nudged with a smile. Cautiously she released my hand and wrapped both arms around Jamie’s neck. Jamie’s free hand clutched her small back, I reluctantly released my grip from him so he could fully embrace her.  
                 That’s how Ian, Fergus and Jenny found us, myself kneeling on the floor while Jamie sat clutching his daughter to him for the first time. In this moment I cannot find fault, it’s finally as it was meant to be.  
                  We are home.


	2. Explanations

     Looking at Brianna in her fathers arms had tears swimming in my eyes. Seeing them together solidified everything for me— the risk of going through the stones, giving up medical school, leaving Frank, pulling Brianna away from everything she’s ever known, all of it worth it to see the two loves of my life content in each others arms.  
     Jamie began to rock back and forth clutching Brianna even closer to him and whispering something so soft that only the two of them would know. I could see his own tears leaving traces of paler skin visible through the dirt on his face. The elation underneath the dirt smudge and scraggly bearded face took my breath away.  
     “Claire,” Peeling my eyes away from my husband and child I looked up at Ian as he spoke, “How…and with a bairn? We thought ye were dead!”  
     Before I could speak Jenny laid a hand on her husband, “Not now. Let them be a lil longer before ye pounce. I’m sure Jamie has the same questions and since it’s his wife and daughter he should be the one to know the answers first.”  
     Mouthing thank-you at Jenny she merely quirked an eyebrow that said, _you’ll be tellin’ me as soon as yer finished tellin’ my brother_ , as she put an arm around Ian and Fergus leading them out of the room.  
     “The wee lass has fallen asleep on me, Sassenach. I never thought I’d see the day when my own bairn slept in my arms. I thought— I thought…” his voice cracked and a fresh wave of emotion poured out of him.  
     “Shhh. Shhh. Jamie I know. I know more than anyone the thoughts that must be racing through your mind, about me, about Bree, about…Frank. We are here and we aren’t going anywhere. I will not leave you. Never again please do not ask that of me, of us. There is nothing waiting for us there.” A guttural distinctly Scottish noise, that I hadn’t realized I missed, came from Jamie.  
     “I’m serious. There is nothing for us there! If you don’t believe me look at the child in your arms. Your child, who is so blissfully content that she fell asleep in the arms of a stranger because she could feel the love, comfort and peace you bring. She never could fall asleep in Frank’s arms even when she was an infant, he would laugh it off saying she was ‘mummy’s girl’ but even then she never fell asleep that fast. It’s you.”  
     “I’m sure it’s the journey the two of you were on. She’s just too tired to know any better.”  
     Shaking my head I placed my hand on his face and repeated myself, “It’s you. She knows she's home, with her family— her father and somewhere safe.”  
     “Thank-you, Sorcha, for her and coming back to me.”  
     “It wasn’t even a choice. The moment I found out you were still alive after Culloden I had to come home, nothing could have stopped me.”  
     “I dinna ken how much of a father and husband I can be right now. Ye said ye found out I was still alive?” I nodded, “How?”  
     “Actually it was from Frank.” Jamie jumped jostling Bree a little bit, and his eyes grew wide, obviously not expecting that answer.  
     “He didn’t do it on purpose. I told you before he was researching his personal geology that lead him to Black Jack.” Seeing Jamie nod I continued, “Well he didn’t just stop at Black Jack, he searched all of the great battles and times before and right after Culloden because of it. The 18th century became his obsession and was the time period he had researched the most. I can’t say if it was strictly his family history or my disappearance that caused the obsession. One day I was in his study in there was all this information about Scotland from 1700 through 1760— I felt compelled to look. Culloden had been the darkest time for me and I didn’t want to associate with it, but I had to know. In one book in particular there were passages from an Englishman by the name of Harold Grey who wrote about meeting the formidable ‘Red Jamie’ and begrudgingly set him free due to a life-debt owed to his younger brother.”  
     Jamie snorted, “Begrudgingly? I begged him to shoot me with the others! I wanted to die on that battlefield.”  
     Startled at his exclamation I stared at him in disbelief, “You wanted to die?”  
     “Aye! What kind of life were I to have without ye in it? Christ Claire! I was half dead anyway the moment I sent ye through those cursed stones! Then I was wounded, I swear it was Jenny’s stubbornness that saved me there, but there was nothing for me here. I should have died like all the other men that day.” One of his hands unwound from Bree and went to muss up his hair. Quickly before he could agitate himself too much I grabbed his hand and held it to my chest.  
     “For the first time since that day I can honestly say that I’m glad he didn’t kill me.”  
     I squeezed his hand tighter as he said, “I’m no’ sorry for what I did that day because the two of ye wouldna be here if ye’d stayed, the three of us would be dead and this wee lass never woulda seen the light of day. Please continue tell me how you found me.”  
     My throat started to feel tight as I continued, “Like I said I found Harold Gray’s entry that said he’d let you go, ordered men to take you to your homelands. That was it. I knew you would be in Lallybroch but I had no way of knowing if you had been captured or not until I heard the story of the Dun Bonnet. You’re going to be a Highland legend, the Dun Bonnet, a captain for the Bonnie Prince Charlie who survived the battle at Culloden and ran into the hills living in a cave for— for seven years.” I studied his face while he took that little bit of information in.  
     “Seven years? I’m going to be stuck in that cave for four and half more years? I canna do that knowing ye and the bairn are here without my protection. Without me except once a month if that.”  
     “Well the records I found noted a Jamie MacKenzie Fraser in Ardsmuir prison for three years. I’m not sure what becomes of you after that but if I can help prevent that future from happening I will, with everything that I am I will change the future this time.”  
     “I musta had a good reason to go to prison if you found me there, I doubt anyone could find my cave.”  
     “Yes that may be so but I want to change our futures, I didn’t risk everything by coming this far for you to back out on me now!”  
     “I dinna want you in danger especially with the bairn! How can I protect you living in a cave for four more years and then in prison for three? She’ll be half grown by the time I’m out of those hell holes!”  
     “Do you wish we never would have come?”  
     “NO!” He moved quickly hugging me tight to his chest but angled away from our, surprisingly still, sleeping daughter.  
     “No, I wilna ever wish you away or send you away again!”  
     “Good. With that settled, what are we going to tell the others? How do we explain where I’ve been?”  
     “We could tell them the truth.”  
     “You have to be joking! Do you remember what happened to me when we were first married? No one knew what I could do and for being a healer I was tried and nearly burned as a witch! If it hadn't been for you and the jet beaded rosary they might have burned me even if I refused to jump in the water. I don’t want to go through something like that again.”  
     “Do ye think so little of my family that they’d turn ye over as being a witch that quick?”  
     “No but if anyone else heard…”  
     “The people of the Fraser lands are like family. They wouldna do a thing to harm the lady of the land.”  
     “No, like they wouldn’t turn their laird over to the Watch or the English?” I quirked an eyebrow at him and he scowled.  
     “Ye ken as well as I do that that was because the McNab’s were mad at me.”  
     “And if they were suddenly mad at me or, heaven forbid, our daughter? What then?”  
     “I think ye’ll find that ever since Culloden the people here are bit more…protective. Ye are the lady of Lallybroch, Brianna the heir unless we have a son, they’ll guard the two of ye like ye are their prized whisky!”  
     “I hope you’re right on that account. What if we don’t tell the truth?”  
     “We’d tell them most of the truth. I sent ye away to go live with the family you have in France, ye stayed thinking I was dead, then somehow you got word the ‘ruthless Red Jamie’ was still alive and ken I was here so you came after me.” Shrugging one shoulder in a way only a Scot could, as though it were the most simple thing in the world.  
     “One thing I do ken is that the two of ye arena going anywhere.”  
     Smiling I relaxed into his embrace and cherished the moment. Home, safe and whole, the three of us were undoubtedly whole now.  
     “How is it that bairns trust is so great she just melts into me? As though—”  
     “As though there’s nothing in the world separating you from her and she from you?”  
     “Aye. I’ve held Jenny’s wee ones but they never fell asleep like this on me.”  
     “I think it’s not only trust, but instinctually she knows you’ll never let anything harm her so she doesn’t need to worry about anything, even the boundaries of her body. She knows you will hold her together.”  
     “That’s a lot of trust for someone so young to have.”  
     “I wish you could have seen her over a year ago when she was this tiny bundle that trusted implicitly with everything. Not able to talk or walk, only wiggle and grunt. When she would sleep on my chest it wasn’t as if she were on top of me, but back inside me this small nudging warmth.”  
     Looking down at Bree’s wispy red curls he smiled and said, “I wish I could have seen ye round with her and been there when she was no’ but a tiny bairn.”  
     “Maybe you’ll be able to see another child like that. We now have all the time we thought we’d never have. A second chance for a life together, a new chance at raising a family.”  
     “I like the sound of that, Sassenach. I may have missed the verra early days with this one but I’ll no’ miss anymore. If ye want more children I’ll give them to ye.”  
     “You once said you wanted to fill this house with our children, do you not still want that?”  
     “Oh I do more than I can say, but I’ll no’ risk ye again. I wasna there for Faith’s birth but ye said it nearly killed ye and I’ll no’ be so selfish as to risk yer life for another bairn.”  
     “We can decide later what we want to do. For now though we need to get use to one another again and raising one baby at a time.”  
     Another room lighting smile spread across his face, “Aye that’s for sure.”  
     “Are ye two done talkin’ yet or do we have to wait outside the room all day waitin’ for ye to finish?” Jenny’s voice held a bit of excitement and frustration.  
     “Perhaps we should go to the sitting room and tell them our story?”  
     “Aye, and we should tell them the truth and if anyone else asks we tell them I sent ye away and ye thought I was dead until ye got word otherwise and came straight home.”  
     Letting out a breath I didn’t know I was holding I stood up and faced the direction of the sitting room.  
     “Best get this over with then.”  
     Grabbing my hand and pulling me to him Jamie kissed the top of my head.  
     “Ye are not alone anymore, there’s no need of bein’ scarit of Jenny, Ian or Fergus.”  
     “It’s not that I’m scared of them, it’s their reaction that has me a bit nervous.”  
     “Dinna fash, Sassenach. It’ll all be fine.”

     Jenny, Ian and Fergus were waiting in the sitting room. Awkward moments of side eyes and silence trying to figure out what was to happen next. Jamie seeming impervious to the tension in the room walked over to the largest chair sat down and pulled me down onto his lap. Well this is one way to not break connection. I thought dryly.  
     “I’ll let each of ye ask Claire one question now before we both tell ye what happened at Culloden and beyond after that ye can ask as many as ye want.”  
     Ian surprised me by being the first person to speak.  
     “Where were ye all this time?”  
     “Boston mostly.”  
     Ian’s eyes widened, “The colonies! Why were you there?”  
     Jamie made a disapproving sound in his throat and glared at Ian. With a huff Jenny asked, “Fine if it’s only one question I’ll ask Ian’s second, why were you there?”  
     “I’ll explain it better soon when we begin what really happened to us, the short version I was there to escape what Scotland reminded me and a few others of.”  
     Not seeming satisfied Jenny quirked an eyebrow at me and crossed her arms defiantly, “Ye’ll be telling me exactly what you mean by that statement.”  
     Nodding I turned to Fergus.  
     “Milady, the only thing I want to know is why did you leave us?”  
     “Oh Fergus, I wish I had a better answer but I didn’t have a choice.”  
     “There’s always a choice, ye chose to leave now explain yerself.” Jenny countered.  
     “Since ye want to ken all that bad, I sent her away!” Not expecting that answer Jenny’s mouth gaped like a fish trying to form words that wouldn’t come.  
     “It was right before Culloden, I ken I wasna gonna survive the battle and I dinna want Claire and the bairn to be slaughtered wi’ me. So I took her to Craig na Dun and sent her home.”  
     “Yer one of the Old Folk?”  
     “No Ian I’m not one of the fae. I’m just like you only, I wasn’t born here.”  
     Snorting, “We dinna think ye were from Scotland to begin with.”  
     “That’s not what I meant, I’m not from this time. I was born on October the 20, 1918, I first fell through the stones at Craig na Dun when I was on a second honeymoon with my, now ex, husband Frank in 1945.”  
     Three blank faces stared back at me, as though they were waiting for a punch line in a joke, that what I had said was a tall tale and we were only messing with them.  
     “She was harassed by Black Jack Randall when Murtagh found her and brought her to the cabin where I was with Dougal and his raiding party dressed in nothing but what we thought was her shift. She healed me more than once that night and rode with us to Castle Leoch where Colum made her healer of the castle. How many times did you try to escape Sasenach?”  
     “Oh goodness, two or three times at least. I spent weeks planning escape attempts only to have them thwarted.”  
     Smiling at me Jamie continued our story, “So Dougal had her come on the road wi’ us, on the road was when we wed. She thought I was merely saving her from the clutches of Black Jack but really I had loved her since the first night we met. Eventually she began to fall for me as well. One week I went wi’ a hunting party of the Duke of Sandringham’s and while I was away Claire was put on trial for being a witch.”  
     Glaring at my husband seemed the only way to show my displeasure of this part of the story without embarrassing him in front of his family.  
     “Yes, I was tried as a witch and Jamie saved me. It was while we were on the run to get here I told Jamie my story. You know what happened next, living here, the nightmare of Wentworth, our escape to France… While in France I lost our first child.” The sadness on Jenny and Ian’s face told me all I needed to know, Jamie hadn’t told them of Faith and they were now mourning the niece they never knew.  
     “After France, being back at Lallybroch, then the early war times with Prince Tearlach we dinna even think of Claire going back through the stones. When she told me again the destruction that was to come, I ken it was time to get her out of there. Right before Culloden I sent her back through the stones and to her first husband.”  
     “Frank didn’t believe me when I told him what happened and I was more surprised he didn’t give me the divorce I expected when he discovered I was pregnant. When Brianna was born he packed us up and moved us to Boston to be away from Scotland, away from Jamie whom he thought still might be lurking about in the shadows. One day not too long ago I found a book in his study, and in it found the proof I needed that Jamie survived the battle. Carefully I planned my escape from Boston, from Frank. When he went to a conference I left his wedding ring and a note on the counter, grabbed Brianna and got to Scotland as fast as possible. Now I’m here, where I belong, with the man I choose and love, with the family I’ve missed for years, and the time period I truly belong in.”  
     Silence.  
     That’s all there was, silence. Ian was in obvious deep contemplation, Fergus stunned into his silence, and Jenny looked as though she might burst.  
     “My brother, the clot-heid, that he is must have done something either verra right or verra wrong to have met ye.”  
     “Ye know what’s coming then? The future of Scotland, the future of everyone for the next 200 years! It’s incredible!”  
     “I wouldn’t say I know the futures of everyone, but I do know a good deal about what will happen in our current lifetime.”  
     Several hours of questioning passed and the faint light of dawn slowly filled the sky, Fergus was curled up asleep by the hearth. Half asleep myself leaning heavily on Jamie’s shoulder he finally called the inquisition to a halt.  
     “The bairn will wake soon and I need to get her mother to bed. She’s drifting off as we speak.”  
     Looking up through bleary eyes I could see the same tiredness reflected in both Ian and Jenny’s eyes. Before I knew it Bree was in my arms and I was in Jamie’s as he carried us up to the Laird’s bedroom we once shared.  
     “Let me undo your laces Sassenach then ye can sleep and no’ worry about Ian and Jenny they’ll tell no one. As for Fergus, I think he’d rather cut off his hand than speak anything but yer praises to anyone he meets.”  
     Fergus cutting off his hand… “Oh Fergus! He was the servant boy the Dun Bonnet had, it has to be him we can’t let the English take his hand in four years time.”  
     “Sassenach ye are speaking in riddles and I’m a bit tired myself to be figuring them out just yet. For now why don’t we sleep?”  
     “Mmm that sounds wonderful. When we wake up I have something I wish to give you.”  
     “Oh? Would it be another kiss perhaps?”  
     “Of course, but I did bring you a few things from my time.”  
     “Why no’ give them to me now?”  
     “Too tired to explain everything.”  
     Laughing Jamie leaned down and kissed me gently.  
     “Fine in the mornin’ then. Dinna think I’ll forget.”


	3. Gifts for the Laird

     Warm, cozy and still in the early state of still sleeping yet almost conscious I did not want to fully come back to reality. The sounds and smells of Lallybroch were so tangible and just as I remembered. I felt myself smiling at the thought, I knew that in a moment I would wake up to find the cold, sterile bedroom in Boston. Frank’s side of the bed untouched, a happy squeal from Brianna to fully rouse me and the bustle of cars would be heard shortly. I so wanted my dream to be real, I could almost feel Jamie laying behind me, I could smell his unique muskiness— sweat, smoke and whisky. Sighing I resigned myself to the fact that my dream of bringing Brianna back through the stones, back to Jamie was just that, a dream, and opened my eyes. The blue walls of the Laird’s room in Lallybroch greeted me. The solid wood four-poster surrounding me, and Jamie really was there sitting up beside me holding a smiling Brianna on his lap.  
     I bolted upright taking in the sight of my daughter, smiling, laughing, playing, sitting with her father.  
     It wasn’t a dream. I was in Lallybroch, Bree is with me, we made. Oh thank the Lord we did make it!  
     “Good mornin’ Sassenach.” Jamie said to me and leaned over to kiss me. All I could do was smile.  
     “MAMMA!” Brianna launched herself off her father’s lap and into mine.  
     “Ooof!— Good morning Bree.” Brushing back her sweet, unruly red curls I marveled at the moment we were having. A family moment; Our first morning as a family.  
     “Have you been having fun with your father?” Her little face scrunched up, nose wrinkled and a scowl on her face strikingly similar to Jamie’s.  
     “Da told me to call him Da, no father.”  
     Laughing I hugged her to me, “Well alright then, have you been having fun with Da?”  
     “Yes!” Her little voice squealed as she launched herself back at Jamie and snuggled up against his chest giggling.  
     “We’ve been playing and talking a little bit while you were sleeping. We dinna wake ye did we, mo nighean donn?”  
     “No you didn't wake me, though I wish you did. I love seeing you with her.”  
     “This, ye being here with the bairn is more than a dream. I woke this mornin’ swearing it wasna real, that I was back in my cave dreamin’ ye were here.” His face looked so wistful and forlorn, tears were forming in his eyes as he continued. “I’ve dreamt of ye many times Sorcha, you and the bairn. To wake up and be able to touch ye,” shaking his head, “that’s something I’ve ne’er been able to do before. Then to look over to see this bonnie lass babbling away on the o’er side of me… I canna lose ye again Sorcha.”  
     Tears streaming down my face understanding exactly what he was talking about, the feelings he was experiencing, I couldn’t lose him again either. Placing my hand to his cheek I told him just that. Bree sensing the swell of emotions from both her parents wrapped her little arm around Jamie’s neck and the other hand grabbed my arm where it was still extended touching Jamie’s cheek.  
     “Mo nighean rudiah, mo ghaol ort.”  
     “Wasat mean Da?”  
     “It means I love you my red haired lass.”  
     “Mo ni, mo ni”  
     “Mo ghaol ort.”  
     “Maul goo,” Bree’s face scrunched up with concentration, “maul goo or-or-”  
     Laughing Jamie kissed the small crease between her eyebrows, “We can start our Gaelic lessons later, mo nighean rudiah.” Looking up at me I could see the tears flowing again from Jamie’s eyes. The longing for a family, the love he never thought he’d be able to physically share shining bright in his eyes.  
     “I believe ye said ye brought me something Sassenach, or was I making up something in my tiredness?”  
     “No—no, you weren’t imagining things. Give me just a moment and I’ll get it for you.”  
     Reluctantly leaving the warmth of the bed, I walked over to the small pouch I had carried with me on the journey. Softly handing him the leather pouch, Jamie readjusted Bree so she was centered between his legs and his arms framed her as he opened the pouch in front of her. First he pulled out the wrapped and framed copies of Bree’s first pictures, he smile brightened as he traced the small black and white newborn photos. A handwritten copy of Bree’s birth certificate was next, listing her birthdate in 1746 and one James Alexander Malcolm MacKenzie Fraser as her father. Jamie’s hands shook when he saw the document tracing her name and his below.  
     “Even on the birth certificate from 1948 I had your name on the father line. She wasn’t Frank’s and never could be.”  
     “Thank-you Sassenach.”  
     “There’s more.” I urged him.  
     Reaching into the bag he found the one custom of the 20th Century I wanted to bring back with me, a male wedding band.  
     “It’s a bonnie ring, but why give it to me?”  
     “Look at it closer, Jamie.”  
     Around the band was the same intricate celtic pattern as my own silver wedding band, on the inside was engraved:

_‘…So We Two May Be One - C &J’_

     “In my time men also wear a ring as a symbol of their fidelity for one woman, that they are spoken for eternally. Will you wear it?”  
Smiling Jamie slipped it onto his left ring finger. “I’d wear it to match yours but as ye can see my right hand still gives me trouble.” Grabbing his hands I kissed the stiff ring finger and then the one holding my brand. “I was wondering about that. I haven’t taken this ring off since they day you placed it on my hand. Will you take it off of my right hand and place it on my left?”  
Bewildered, Jamie slowly nodded, “Aye, I can do that. What about your other ring?”  
Handing him my hands so he could see for himself, only one ring was present— his.  
     “Ye said you’ve never taken this ring off?” Nodding to him I watched as he slowly pulled the ring off my finger, “Then have ye no seen the inscription?”  
     “Inscription?”  
     “Aye, something extra I added just for you.”  
     Handing me the ring, I looked inside the band and sure enough there it was,

  
_‘Da mi basia mille…’_

     My hand went to my mouth to cover a sob. The poem we received as a wedding present from Hugh Monroe etched next to my skin without me ever knowing.  
     “Oh Jamie…”  
     “I wanted ye to ken even then that I loved ye and I would do anything for ye.”  
     Thrusting my left hand to him I asked, “Will you put it on the finger it’s meant to be on?”  
     Nodding Jamie slipped the silver wedding band onto the finger it will stay on forever.  
     “Thank-you. It wouldn’t have felt right to move it there myself. You’re the one who gave it to me, it had to be you to move it.”  
     “You’ll ne’re have to worry about moving mine, Sassenach. It’ll stay where you put it just as ye have stayed in my heart since the day I met you. I will say it is a different sort of tradition, but not one I dislike. They already know I’m yours but showing them in another way wilna hurt them.” Smiling, a large cat who got the canary, smile Jamie gathered me into his arms squishing Bree between us, eliciting giggles from her.  
     “Thank-you Sassenach, truly. You came back to me, brought back my child, and these wee gifts of love. I canna ask for more.”  
     “Well I can ask for more.”  
     “Oh?”  
     “Yes. I want us to live as a family.”  
     “That will be difficult right now with the Red Coats patrolling looking for me. As often as I can I will come home to ye both.”  
     “James Fraser, I did not come all this way for you to still live in a cave!”  
     “I canna have you in danger, you or Bree. I’ll stay away to keep you safe!”  
     “We could leave…”  
     “What?”  
     “Go back to France. We could be together and you wouldn’t be hunted in France.”  
     “Maybe no, but I’ll no risk the family. You said I would be in the cave for seven years, then the Red Coats will be less prominent and then we can take our place as Laird and Lady for good.”  
     “We’ll shall see. This discussion is not over, but if we continue Bree will not be happy for missing her breakfast.”  
     Nodding Jamie handed Bree to me, quickly donned his kilt, picked Bree back up and headed towards the kitchen. In the kitchen with Mrs. Crook was like stepping back in time. The look, the feel, the smells all resonated within me saying, ‘Welcome home.’  
     Jamie came around from behind me and circled my waist in his arms, kissing the side of my head.  
     “Dinna think you’ve won this battle, Sassenach.” He whispered, kissed me again and smarted me on the bum before grabbing a few bowls of parrtich to take to the table for Bree and himself.


	4. The Cave

“Here? You’ve been staying here?” I asked, aghast.

Jamie nodded, a small smirk tugged at his lips at my look of disbelief. He reached out and helped me down from the horse.

“Aye, Sassenach. It’s no much, but it’s home.”

The small cave was well hidden behind leaves, flowers, and such thick branches of wild bushes that I was surprised he found it in the first place. The cave mouth showed the foot traffic of the wilderness, not a single sign of human disturbance.

My mouth hung open in horror and shock. No fire pit, blankets, comfort, or any sign of a home. Deep into the cave a barrel sat corked with a small wooden cup atop it and a roughly hewn plate beside it. He was surviving off the bare minimum, scraps, and hardship. My eyes started to water.

“How?” I questioned, my voice barely above a whisper, breaking with the unshed tears.

Jamie frowned, his left shoulder lifting up in a nonchalant shrug. “I’m doing what I must to survive.”

“So alone,” I whispered. Gently, I cupped his face and soothed my thumb across his prickly cheek bones. “I never want you to live this alone again. I’m here. Brianna is here. You have no need of this solitude.” I implored.

“Aye, but I do, Sassenach.” He said, then gripped the hand holding his face. “I must keep the family safe, more now than ever. Wi’ ye and wee Brianna here,” he paused, and shook his head. My fingers felt the fresh tears being shed streak down his face. “I canna let anything happen to ye. It would kill me, mo nighean donn. If the English were to come searchin’ and I was there, death would be all that would ensue.”

He breathed hard and pulled me against him, burying his face in my hair. I planted my free hand deep into his curls, stroking the tender skin surrounding his skull.

“I’ll never leave you.” I told him with conviction, “Never again. You sent me away once for my safety and nothing good has come from that separation. I cannot—no I will not—let you go on living this way. I need you, we need you. Please don’t banish yourself from us.”

I felt him sob into my hair in response. His hands tightened their grip around my waist.

“Mo Sorcha,” his voice was husky and broken, “Mo graidh. Tha gaol agam ort.” He kissed down from my forehead to my chest muttering broken whispers of Gaelic.

“Jamie,” I breathed out. “Jamie. Jamie.” His name was a chant, a mantra, a prayer that I couldn’t stop.

His nose dragged up the column of my throat, peppering kisses as he went. “Mo graidh, I need you.”

“Oh God!” I exclaimed. Jamie had ripped the laces free from my corset and flung it aside to free my breasts from their confines and into his mouth.

“Not God, Sassenach.” He laughed and bit down on my nipple. Pleasure rippled through me, a scream caught in my throat.

“Please,” I cried as he switched breasts, biting again. “Jamie, please!” I begged.

I could feel his smile against the sensitive, tender skin under my right left breast. His two-day old stubble scratching sensually as he tore his way through my stays.

“I like it when ye beg, Sassenach.” He wrenched my skirts from my body and I stood there in my shift, which hung loose atop my shoulders. The lightest touch and it would fall helplessly to the ground.

“Let’s see how much ye can take before ye are crying out for more.” Jamie’s hand gently cupped the curve of my shoulder, brushing my shift off causing it to pool on the ground. His right hand traced lightly down the swell of my breasts, to the now more rounded area of my stomach. His ring finger, stiff and unyielding, followed the silver lines of the stretch marks caused from my pregnancy with Bree.

I gasped in pleasure as his left hand went to where I wanted him to be the most. My hips bucked involuntarily. He leaned forward and bit my shoulder, then soothed the spot with his tongue.

The vibration of his voice sent spikes of pleasure through my body, though his words were lost on my lust addled brain.

“Jamie,” I attempted to say, unsure if the word was uttered or not.

His finger slipped inside me. I threw my head back with a gasp, unable control myself. For the first time since that horrible day at the standing stones, I could feel. My body was on fire, the flames flicked up from my center to the tips of my breasts, all the way to my hairline causing my hair to stand on end. The slightest touch sent a convulsion of pleasure through me. I grunted in protest when Jamie’s hands released me and his touch disappeared from my skin.

“Shh, a graidh.” Jamie soothed. “Are ye goin’ to beg for me, Sassenach?”

I groaned at the tone of his voice, but shook my head. I would not give in. He let out a low growl and his hands were back on my arms, dragging me slowly closer to him. My nipples hardened further as they brushed against the wiry curls of his chest hair. My mind was too muddled to comprehend when he had undressed himself.

“Mo nighean donn,” he whispered, grabbing the backs of my thighs and hoisting me into his arms.

Jamie carried me deeper into the cave, but I didn’t care. He was there, in my arms, real, solid, hard beneath me.

“Jamie!” 

“Next time ye say my name like that I’m taking it as ye beggin’ me.”

Jamie placed me on a fabric of some kind that lined the cave floor. The heat and weight of his body pinned me to the ground and to the present.

“Jamie!” I gasped as he entered me.

“What did I tell ye, Sassenach? Next time ye called my name like that…” He trailed off and thrust once, hard, causing me to grip his arms tight, both of us groaning in pleasure.

A rhythm that I never believed possible to find again became reality. The slow push and pull accompanied by heavy breaths enhancing each movement gradually became fast and frantic. I had no control over my body, my mouth, or my thoughts. I was lost to the overwhelming feeling that was Jamie.

“Christ, Sassenach!” Jamie cried, as his weight fell fully on top of me. A sweaty mass of limbs encircled me, pulling me ever tighter and himself ever deeper. “I didna believe it was possible,” he murmured into my skin.

“Hmm?” I muttered, still in a state of bliss.

“I ne’re believed to have this. This feeling of bein’ complete, mo nighean donn. I havena felt it since the day I sent ye through those cursed stones. Now to have ye here again,” he shook his head, tears forming in his eyes.

“I know what you mean, Jamie. I never thought I’d feel whole again, or loved.” I shakily found my words, and touched his cheek.

“I canna let ye go, Sorcha,” Jamie whispered, turning his head to kiss the palm of my hand.

“Then don’t,” I said simply.

A smile that made my heart skip a beat lit up his face at the same time that his needs became apparent once again.

“I canna get enough of ye, mo nighean donn,” he groaned, kissing my neck.

“There will never be enough time in the day to make up for what we lost.” I whispered back. “Take what you must, my love. I’ll willingly give you anything you desire.”

He rolled us, though, so that he was now below me. “No, Sassenach, take what ye must from me.”

Cautiously, I rolled my hips, gaining my bearings once again. Jamie’s face contorted in pleasure at the motion. I steadied myself, my hands gripping his chest, and started moving in that way that caused his face to contort into a look of pure ecstasy.

The more we reconnected, the more I could feel my heart and soul stitch itself back together.

I was finally, home.


End file.
